Ive been thinking about whats blocking me....is it the fear of failure? Of being judged...weird, stupid, boring etc? Is it because my entire life (despite being a Virgo, labelled neat, practical and ORGANISED) Ive always left things until the last minute. Even at Uni I would ask for an extension and then stay up until 5am doing all 10 million word essays in one night.
Yesterday I walked in the park, stopping half way to do a beautiful meditation to 'release blocks' planning to come home and begin writing. The sun was warming my back as I felt a wave of joy and gratitude wash over me. Thank you for this opportunity to create a website. Thank you for my home. Thank you for the birds singing so freely around me. Thank you for the people boxing just near me, the sounds of their gloves in rhythm with my heart beat, thank you for the millions of blades of green grass reminding me of the abundance of abundance (just noticed abunDANCE ... no wonder I love that word!)
I digress. Full of hope, determination and motivation I came home and ...... did everything else but write. It was a gorgeous winter day with a perfect blue (not a could in the) sky. So I gardened. I pulled orchids apart, for the first time ever, and repotted them. I planted, weeded, swept and cleared. I then moved my attention inside. Cleaning the house. I mean doing stuff like wiping floorboards, washing walls, cleaning the inside and outside of cupboards and even the TV screen. I was really really avoiding starting this blog.
I went to a Birthday dinner and then came home and found myself painting 11.11 t-shirts until midnight. Today I went to a Baby shower and then decided I would start my tax!!!!
My 12 year old daughter was in her room freaking out about having not done all of her holiday homework. Summarising each chapter of a novel called Chinese Cinderella. I offered to help but she shut down, "why do we do home work in holidays? its HOLIDAYS! I don't want to go to school!!" I suggested we run away. "Yes! To anywhere they don't have homework!"
You may remember from my second paragraph, I myself wasn't a big homework fan either. The apple does not fall far from the tree. So, I suggested we meditate. Yes, MEDITATE, together, on her bed.
We began with the kundalini breaths and chakra clearing with sound that i learned from one of my teachers, Justine Ruszczyk. We expanded our energy and then I began, it went something like this .... imagine what how you will feel when all your homework is done, relieved, successful, free to do fun things etc Imagine completing a project and then feeling excited about beginning the next ..... imagine really knowing you a very very smart and that you are excited about school and reading (she says she doesn't like reading) as you are always learning about new things. learning new words you can use etc etc. After a while I realised I had stopped talking, I was really expanded and floating in bliss. My daughter was asleep beside me. I remembered she slept over at a friends house last night and they went to the Circus. Too exhausted for Chinese Cinderella!!
Here I am WRITING MY BLOG!! The meditation 'accidentally" worked on me!
The philosopher OSHO tells a story about a master at calligraphy. If you hesitate the ink will make a mess on the rice paper. The master made mistake after mistake trying to write perfectly. He asked his disciple, who was watching him, to go and get more ink. While the disciple was out, the Master did his masterpiece. The disciple exclaimed, "this is perfect! What happened?"
Laughing, the Master replied, "I became aware of one thing - your presence, the very idea that somebody is there to appreciate or to condemn, to say no or yes, disturbed my inner tranquility. Now I will never be disturbed. I have come to know that I was trying to make it perfect and that was the only reason for its not being perfect."
Thank you for reading this far!! Here we go!!! Hooray! Yippee!! WooHoo! XXX